Strength from Adversity
Facing up to life’s challenges with resolve, accepting the trials and tribulations of the “facts of life”
“Here I stand. I can do no other.” The big moments of fundamental principle require you to take a clear and definitive stance. Don’t allow any uncertainty or hesitancy on your part undermine your position. Others will be quick to spot the suggestion of a willingness to shift and bend and how they can weaken the integrity of your beliefs. Go public quickly in expressing your principles and beliefs, leaving no doubt about your convictions and ethics.
Manage the 5 Fears we all share. Emphasise the positives in life but recognise that much of human behaviour is driven by fear. To know the fear is to know how to provide a response that will reassure and encourage others. The five fears - universal and deep-seated within our natures - are:
- the fear of the stranger and the need for community. We fear who we don’t know and we like those we grew up with and know.
- the fear of the future and the need for clarity. The future has uncertainties which create anxieties. We value those who know the future and can provide purpose and direction
- the fear of chaos and the need for authority. We fear disorder and that sense of things being out of control and we need someone to take charge
- the fear of insignificance and the need for respect. We fear that we don’t matter, aren’t valued and no one cares about us. We look for the reassurance that we’re important and a recognition that our contribution makes a difference
- the fear of death and the need for security. This is a tough one. We worry about what might happen to us, our family and friends and we need to feel that sense of security that everything will be OK.
Recognise others’ anxieties and fears and be willing to provide that insight and compassion which reassures and comforts.
Empathise with others and their problems. Your fortitude gives you an advantage in life. But don’t let your fortitude become a fortress to cut you off from the worries and concerns of others. Don’t assume that your world view is the world view of others. Others have very different personalities, life experiences and different hopes and fears for the future. Cut others some slack to recognise that what you find easy and straightforward may be frightening for others.
Know when to give in gracefully. Don’t go through life with a battering ram, attempting to break through every obstacle which life throws up. Discretion may be the better part of valour. Read the signs to judge when your natural boldness will advance your goals and when it may backfire. Don’t keep pursuing a course of action, however courageously, which can only have negative consequences. Ask: is this about me and my pride, or is it a fundamental issue I can influence? If you can’t make a difference, retreat.
Move on to new challenges. Experiences are important in shaping our life philosophy and outlook. Having to deal with the dark and demanding situations of life develops our resilience and gives us the hardiness to overcome future challenges. But we also know need to know when to move on, to put the past behind us. Don’t become so battle fatigued by the “war of life” that you lose the joy and spontaneity to enjoy fresh challenges.
Don’t keep fighting a battle because you want and need to be right. There are some struggles in life where we think, with sufficient energy and commitment, we can turn things around and win the war. There are other battles we are losing and will never win but are fighting because we need to be right. These are the battles, driven by emotion not logic, about pride not about the advancement of our goals. Admit when you’re wrong and cut your losses. Deploy your courage for future battles you can win.
“Confront the villain” If someone is making everyone’s life a misery, intentionally or unintentionally, then be prepared to resolve the situation. Don’t allow the villain to take control. Draw on your reserves of courage to fight the battles that others may be unable or unwilling to take on. Remember that the real test of courage is courage demonstrated for others, not courage to advance your own personal interests.
Keep your powder dry. Courage without wisdom is reckless folly, a bravado that makes much impressive noise but achieves little. Use your wisdom to know when, where and how to tackle with courage the big issues that matter. Don’t undermine your reputation by taking a principled stance on the “little stuff”. You will damage your credibility and weaken your capacity to face up to the battles that matter.
Don’t wait for the “big battles” when you are up against the wall. Faced by desperate circumstances, courage is easy, Perhaps strength and resilience is best displayed in the day-to-day small stuff of life. Personal courage is displayed in your willingness to challenge an offensive remark from your boss, to confront an under-performing colleague or share a problem with your partner.
Keep extending your repertoire of influencing styles. Direct confrontation is rare but refreshing. It also has its hazards. Don’t assume that courage will always achieve your aims. Subtlety and guile may overcome opposition and resistance when courage may be counter-productive. Develop your portfolio of interpersonal skills to draw on a range of approaches and styles.
“Steadfastness is for the will, not the mind.” Use your constancy of purpose to persevere. But don’t mistake constancy for obstinacy and the reluctance to shift your views. Genuine courage is the willingness to admit when you’ve got it wrong and need to rethink your opinions.
Let others help you. It takes courage to ask for help. Asking for help is not a sign of helplessness. Don’t be so stoical in facing up to life’s pressures and demands that that you find it difficult to reach out to those who can help you. Don’t be so brave that you can’t admit any vulnerabilities or weaknesses. You are not alone in this world in the experience of moments of doubt. Be willing to share your fears with those who can help you through the times of life crisis.
Do something heroic and do it quietly. Heroism isn’t just about the thunder and lightening of confrontation and conflict. Sometimes the heroic is displayed in the “small stuff”: the “behind the scenes” activities which are rarely noticed or praised, the attention given to someone who everyone else regards as a “nobody” or the willingness to tackle that difficult and thankless problem everyone else has avoided.